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about the census
census.jpg
At this time of year in Japan, the government conducts a periodic count of the population and housing, that is called "kokusei-tyousa" in Japanese. The survey have been held once five years since 1920. In this year 2010, the end of the year's number is zero, the census conducts in the large-scale, while the year's number has 'five' means the small census.
This is one of the important requisite surveys not only in Japan but in the world. This year's result will show the declining birthrate and a growing proportion of elderly people. The result will be compared to the rest of countries in the world, and will it be able to indicate what you should do to remain the good life in the future.

Now, the huge of the worldwide information we have is based on many surveys like this, and at this time, you'll realize the fact that the result is supported by enormous volunteers.
Writing to this essay, I looked for about the articles and looked over Japanese government site on the web. So I can access whatever information I want to get from the internet without any actions that such as surveying, researching, examining and so on. In fact the volunteers help our informational society by their footwork. You may think that I'd better notice this idea to people to help the volunteers. As being realized by some things and my mistakes, I wrote this one.



国勢調査

235 words

この英文の添削をいただきました、気になる方はどうぞ。


At this time of year in Japan, the government conducts a periodic count of the population and housing, that is called "kokusei-tyousa" in Japanese.
The survey has been held once every five years since 1920. 
In this year 2010, the end of the year's number is zero, so the census is conducted on a large-scale, while the years that end in 'five' have small censuses.
The resultwill be compared to the rest of countries around the world, and will it be able to indicate what you should do to have a good life in the future.
Now, the huge amount of the worldwide information we have is based on many surveys like this, and at times like thisyou realize the fact that the results are gathered by enormous amounts of volunteers.
Writing to this essay, I looked for about the articles and looked over the Japanese government's website.
So I can access whatever information I want to get from the internet without doing any surveying, researching, examining and so on.
You may think that I'd realize this and encourage people to help the volunteers.
Realizing this and my mistakes, I wrote this one.


雑感:
改良すべき点の再認識
1.まず初歩的な間違いが多すぎる。has と have の間違いぐらい気がつかないのが不思議だ。注意を払うべき。
1・三単元のs がどうしても抜けてしまう。名詞の差を頭と感情、肉体反応レベル、に落とし込むべき。
1.every, around, amount, be gathered, とかもう1ワード加えるだけで意味が通りやすくなるという感覚をもっと磨くべき。
今回得た表現
1.once every five years
1. be conducted on
1. the rest of countries around the world
1. without doing any 
書くときに意識したこと
1.最近分詞構文を習ったので、その構文を使って、説明文をomissionする事に挑戦。
1.前半の「国勢調査」の説明を客観的に書くよう気をつけたこと。
1.後半の自分の意見の中に「インターネットの例」を入れて、結局は見えないところで人の助けが」あると書きたかったこと。

例として、綺麗な街や住みやすい社会は俗に言う「よごれしごと」をやってくださる方がいるから成り立っているというを改めて認識したということを書こうとおもった。
まぁ~、書ききれてはいないのだが、着想としては悪くないと思う。



【2010/09/24 17:19】 | 自己紹介と学習履歴 | コメント(0) | page top↑| 編集
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